Reasons to Love or Mock Me

Crazy/Beautiful

Top 10 things I do that I'm pretty sure qualify me as a crazy person:

1. Buy cases of 2-buck Chuck and refer to the corner I keep them in as our "wine cellar".
2. Constantly correct the grammar of reality t.v. stars (the primary offense being the extreme over-use of the word "myself").
3. Tell stories about my dog in which I imitate him using the "George" voice/accent that Jared and I made up.
4. Refuse to drink milk starting two days before the sell-by date.
5. Wash my feet before bed when I've been wearing flip-flops so that I don't bring any "outside" into the sheets.
6. Buy cardigans compulsively as though I am 80 years old.
7. Feel really, really proud of myself when someone compliments my dog's looks or behavior, as though we share genetic material when he is in fact adopted.
8. Cry every time I watch the show Friday Night Lights. Really, every single time.
9. Posses an obsessive love of my label maker so strong that when it runs out of batteries I almost break out in hives.
10. Yell "Nobody's forgetting what you did, whore!" to various celebrities when they appear on t.v. and in the news (e.g. Angelina Jolie, John Edwards, Tiger Woods).

Top 10 things that I do better than pretty much anyone:

1. Recap missed episodes of "Law and Order" for my friends in a way that illuminates both plotlines and ridiculous acting and/or writing techniques.
   
2. Clean my entire apartment with Lysol wipes.
3. Convince my husband to bring me coffee in bed on the days we're both home in the morning.
4. Make people laugh (Or at least people who love me. Or at least my family.)
   
5. Disassemble my vacuum to clean all the filters and tanks (did you know you were supposed to do that?).
   
6. Criticize other people's parenting techniques even though I don't have any kids myself.
7. Frame photos perfectly and spiff up the cheapo-CVS frames with homemade mats and trim.
8. Spend money at Target.
9. Write thank-you notes.
10. Make lists.