Married with T.V.

Give me the remote

Last night, Jared jumped with both feet into the Old Man pool and we had a History Channel marathon in which he made me watch a double header of his two favorite reality shows: Pawn Stars and American Pickers. These are both kind of bastard grandsons of the excellent PBS hit Antiques Roadshow. This network used to be all World War II all the time. Is collecting useless crap and stealing from those less fortunate than us our generation's version of "The Last Great War"? I find this completely depressing, and this is coming from someone who watches all things Real Housewives like it's my job.

Pawn Stars follows a family who runs a pawn shop in Vegas: a fat bald guy, his fatter toupee-wearing dad (who they call "Old Man"), and his still fatter, bowl-cut having son ("Big Hoss"). They also have a mute and seemingly high-as-a-kite employee called "Chumlee". People bring in their stuff to either pawn or sell, and it ranges from Star War toys to George Washington funeral coins. They make it seem like these people are serious antique lovers taking their things to a respectable collectibles shop, but let's be real. This is a PAWN SHOP in LAS VEGAS. Let's take a moment to consider all the degenerate gambling addicts and meth heads who are taking their basement junk to the shop to pawn it for money for the slots. They don't show this, though.

American Pickers is a bit more high-brow, following a pair of men while they drive all over the country, verbally harassing their assistant on the phone and then scamming elderly people out of the stuff in their basements. Last night they visited a taxidermist and bought this stuffed miniature horse that I am sure will turn up in my nightmares soon enough.

Anyway, the point is that nobody warned me that the "compromise" everybody talks about in marriage includes stuff other than where to live and how many children to have; it includes things as important as TELEVISION. I'm going to have to reread those marriage vows...

P.S. Just to give you a sense of where I'm coming from, I want to let you know that my DVR is roughly 75% filled with cycling, and that football season will be here before we know it.